girl fact #285: makeup gives us super human strength. if you see a girl with perfect winged eyeliner and red lipstick, approach with caution. she’s got the power to slay her enemies with one look and use their blood as blush.
OHHHH MYYY GOODDDDDDDDD so my dad had his boss over for dinner tonight and during dinner his boss was like “oh my billy I didn’t know you had an older son!” and we were all like what is this guy talking about BUT THEN WE REALIZED HE WAS TALKING ABOUT THE STUMP PICTURES TAPED ON MY REFRIGERATOR
AND MY DAD JUST WENT ALONG WITH IT SAYING “OH YES THATS MY SON PATRICK HE LIVES IN CHICAGO NOW” AND MY MOM AND I LAUGHED SO HARD WE HAD TO LEAVE THE ROOM